9 Lessons I’ve Learned in Quarantine

Happy Maytember 47th! True to form, 2020 continues to personally attack us with weird sci-fi plots.

Let us review, shall we?

what the he** happened?!

January

• • • • • Australia catches fire
        • January ends with a big old “eff you”, being the hottest January in recorded history

February

• • • • • The world loses Kobe Bryant and his sweet girl Gigi
        • Locusts invade East Africa, resulting in the biggest national emergency in 25 years
        • Coronavirus takes to the cruise ships

March

• • • • • The whole month is just all about the CoVid19 
        • All the sports are canceled due to coronavirus
        • Pretty much the entire world is sent to their collective rooms to avoid the ‘vid. Release date TBD

April

• • • • • I honestly don’t know; we were all inside the whole time 

May

• • • • • Murder hornets

This was not the plan for 2020. I demand to know who released the ancient Egyptian curses on the world. Tell me who you are, I just want to talk. Promise.

quarantine lessons

Since we’ve all been sent to our rooms for all of eternity, there’s definitely time to think about what we’ve done. What lessons have you learned during this weird time?

1. 1. “Unprecedented” is such a stupid word. It has been said SO many times… dumb ass word. We GET it, already.
   2. Educators are undercover angels. Anyone who thinks: a. teaching is easy or b. teachers make enough money – is trash. I will vote on any bill that wants to give teachers a million dollar pay raise and a lifetime subscription to wine. Getting my one child to focus is like an Olympic event. Bless all of them.
   3. More teacher stuff. Teachers don’t just give lessons. They’re caretakers, therapists, friends, and so much more to our children. During this time, these wonderful souls have figured out how to remain all of these things… and from a distance at that. I love them.
   4. Time does not matter after a while. In fact, nothing matters. Time is a concept without meaning. We have had ramen noodles for breakfast, Cheerios for dinner (at 2am). Breakfast wine was a thing for a minute. Seriously, nothing matters. So, good luck with your watches and calendars; they’re purely decorative. 
   5. You are not as introverted as you think. Everyone knows I’m not a fan of leaving my home. I’m not really a fan of peopling. But, over a month of limited contact with the outside world definitely has me wanting to be social. Who am I? Drinking, wanting to talk to people? I don’t even recognize myself anymore. Don’t get me wrong. I’ll still be a hermit when all this settles down; I just like having the option of not being one.
   6. Productivity is a joke. I mean, yeah sure you’ll get stuff done, but not really. Refer to #4: time has no meaning. You cannot be a time management master if time has no concept; therefore, productivity is an even bigger challenge. Good luck with learning a new language on DuoLingo or remodeling your home right now. Imma nap. 
   7. Your pets will turn on you. You know how awesome it is when you get home from work and your dogs are so happy to see you? They snuggle you and just love being near you and it’s the best. Well, after three weeks of being home 24/7 with you will have them rethinking their living situation. There will come a day where not only will they not snuggle you, they will actively hide from you. Little jerks.
   8. Pajama pants are pants. Good luck getting us into slacks or jeans again, world.  
   9. Your quarantine buddy might not be your buddy for long. The Boy and I are best friends. But spending days on end with only each other? Let’s just say it tests you. 

and then…

My main takeaway from this is that reintroducing ourselves to society is definitely going to be awkward. Walking around in pajama pants and masks giving air hugs from a safe distance away… yeah. It’s gonna be weird.