Chronicles of Sadness: Triggers

Note: These aren’t my words. This isn’t my journey. But it could be. It could be anyone’s. This is Alma’s journey. Thank you for being brave enough to share.

I haven’t edited this in any way. 

On Depression.  It’s messy

It can leave you in a puddle, snot nosed, crying (for no apparent reason).

It can enter your lungs. Until you just can’t breathe.

It can enter your mind.   Thoughts of death.

Suicide.

It can immobilize  you.

What used to be an ‘easy’ task has now become overwhelming. You can’t.

You can’t get out of bed.

The steps to get there have become unthinkable. Unattainable.

A challenge unheard of.

Outside is now foreign.

You stay in bed . In a fetal position.

Not caring if the the sheets are clean or not.

They call:

“Are you okay?”

“ How are you doing”

You answer, to appease them.

In your head you scream: “ Just leave me alone!”

“Go away!”

You love them for caring. You hate them for seeing you.

Raw.

Exposed.

Naked.

You lay awake at night. THOUGHTS. THOUGHTS. THOUGHTS.

Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow.

You want to sleep.

You don’t want the nightmares to welcome you back.

It can be a door never completely closed.

Something.

Someone.

A smell can push it just enough to remind you.

Alma