Chronicles of Sadness
nounnoun: depression; plural noun: depressions
It’s pretty common and it’s not just what you see in the movies. Well, not always. It’s not always dramatic fits of runny mascara and snot. It’s not always filled with manic suicidal thoughts or attempts that wind up in some type of psych hold. Not always. And there is never, EVER a real life five minute montage of being brought out of depression through music, exercise and showering and basically getting your life together. Dammit. I really wish there was that montage thing happening for real though; it’d be nice.
Depression is a sneaky asshole (read definition). Sometimes it’s struggling to get through the day. It’s finding energy from thin air to get through the simplest tasks that usually require no energy. Sometimes it’s being tired down to your very fricking soul… being so tired just thinking about doing something exhausts you. Your motivation is no longer your motivation and losing yourself in sleep or movies or books or food is so much more preferable to whatever is out there. Sometimes it’s tearing up for a reason that your logical self knows is a little ridiculous and yet…your other self- that soul exhausted self- cannot helped but be overwhelmed. Sometimes it’s waking up full of plans and goals and then before you know it, that’s all you can take. You need a cry and a nap just thinking about getting motivated to do the most basic of tasks. You need a nap thinking about dealing with people…not on a personal level, but just being around them. Nap time. Stupid depression. You’re such a jerk. It’s really not a good time.
So what do we do? We fight. We fight the tired and check at least one thing off that daunting to do list. We fight the tears and think about what keeps us breathing. We remember that although what is was our motivation is no longer our motivation, it actually is our motivation. That’s why we fight on and on and on.
Most of all… We remember that no matter how lonely we feel, we are not actually alone.
… And sometimes… We just take that nap.