Ted Bundy: The OG Single Girl’s Nightmare

                      HAPPY DAY AFTER VALENTINE’S DAY! 

I love how love is just in the air this time of year. I think I’ll go out and get me a man! Friends: what say you?

Like the real friend it is, Netflix is here to remind me why I should never leave my house. I was like “Yup. 2019 is year I’m gonna leave my house! Gonna get out there and get social!” And Netflix was like “No girl. Just no. Remember what’s out there… Ted Bundy.” With my track record, I most definitely *will* meet the next Teddy.

Thanks, buddy – I almost made a HUGE mistake.

NETFLIX MURDER SHOWS FOR THE WIN

“Conversations With A Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes” came out January 24th. That was a Thursday. By 2am the 26th, I had watched all but 1 of the over 60 minute episodes. I was just too creeped out to hang. I mean, I almost beat my sister-in-law to death with a blow dryer because she had the audacity to come home without announcing herself. Creeeeeeped. Out. This was definitely one of my better murder doc binges in

I’m going to do my best to not give any spoilers, but let me just say… you think you know Ted. YOU DON’T KNOW TED. This documentary peels back the crazy layers of Mr. Bundy to reveal even more, crazier layers of Teddy. I mean – it is WILD.   The documentary has tapes and tapes (that’s a thing- Google it, kids) of Bundy just talking and talking. It’s so chilling. So logical and smart. But like psychopath logic and intelligence. Seriously – you can listen to him like “Wow. That actually makes sense.” Then you realize how deep down the crazy well you’ve fallen and feel the shame embrace you. It is awful. You get used to it though; no worries. It’s quite something to hear him talk about himself.  I mean… this was in the 70’s but he could legit be on any current dating app or on creeping in your DMs the way he talks about himself:

Ted: I was like an amazing kid. The best kid will all the wins and all the friends.

Childhood neighbor: Ted was weird and nobody liked him much.

Ted: I was like so smart and popular.

Former mentor: Ted was not really smart and didn’t really have friends so much as associates.

Ted

It’s so weird how so much has changed and yet… not so much.

THAT WASN’T EVEN THE WEIRDEST PART

So Ted is on this multi-state killing spree, right? And NOBODY MAKES THE CONNECTION that maybe it’s one guy or even that the killings are related. All the law enforcement people have a: sketch, vehicle description and a NAME and they still can’t figure it out. Because they refuse to believe one person could be so fucking nuts. Maybe it’s a generational thing because I definitely believed people could be this nuts pretty much from the womb.

Not only did the cops have all this info on him, his girlfriend at the time— uhh yea! Homebody had a girlfriend – went to the police will all these “coincidences” and still – NOTHING! But apparently this wasn’t way out there, because all kinds of women were calling to snitch on their potentially homicidal significant others. WHAT WAS GOING ON IN THE 70S?!

Then there’s the fact that Ted walked out of jail TWICE and killed more people. Not even kidding. I know I said no spoilers, but I don’t know if you knew that – I didn’t! My paranoid mind was blown. **orders every lock and surveillance camera off Amazon**

WHY YOU SO OBSESSED WITH ME?

These journalists were eager to get the full Ted story & apparently he was eager to tell it. So they thought. But in all the recorded conversations with him, Ted never actually confessed.

Interviewer: Why’d you do it Ted?

Ted: Do what? Did I ever tell you how smart I am? I like *know* psychology. Those cops should’ve asked for my help. 

Interviewer: *ahhhhh* What do you think happened?

Ted: Well, in my not so humble and very smart opinion, this guy must be so super smart and quite handsome. Lady killer! AMIRITE?!

*winks back in terrified*

Thanks Netflix.  NO DATES IN 2019!!

Oh yea… I did watch this for a 3rd time in honor of the sweetest day of the year. I’m such a romantic.

 

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