We live in troubling times, y’all. The world is basically a giant dumpster fire and we’re just living in it. We have all kinds of crazy real world problems to deal with and yet, somehow, we still want a partner in this crappy world. Whatever. Online dating seems to be the most popular way to go these days, saving yourself from countless nights in weird bars or clubs trying to find your potential life partner before he/she slams that final Fireball shot that sends them into blackout drunk status. Whatever. Online dating is still work. Getting that dating profile to show just how amazing you are without boasting is tricky. As we keep trying to tell our president; words matter. Just like people reading “for rent” ads, they’ll most definitely read between the lines in your little self advertisement. Let’s start at the beginning:
- Photos of you and booze with your friends: What you think it says about you: Look at me! I love having fun with my friends! What it actually says about you: I drink. I cannot actually function without a drink in my hand. Look, drinking is not a bad thing, but when you’re deciding what pics you want those plenty of fish to see, maybe limit the boozy props to one or two max.
- Bio line: Looking for a friend and we’ll go from there. What you think it says: I am a sensitive soul who believes the foundation to any relationship is friendship. What it actually says: I just want a f*ck buddy. You’re not fooling anyone. Save your Match money and start a Tinder account.
- Bio line: Family is the most important thing in the world to me. What you think it says: I am the perfectly mature individual for you to “wink” and email. (Forgive me, I don’t have a plenty of fish account. Is that what they do?) What it actually says: Not looking for a companion, looking for a parent to coddle me. I am a total Daddy’s girl/ Mama’s boy. Look guys, family is important to me too, but maybe say something along the lines of “I enjoy family barbeques/game night/whatever.” instead. It gives less of a “I still have my mom do my laundry” vibe.
- Bio line: Gypsy soul. What you think it says: I am a fun loving and adventurous person. What it actually says about you: I will get bored with you before our appetizers get here. Seriously. Who wants a restless or unstable person? It just sounds cheesy and flat out stupid. The whole point of chemistry or match or whatever is to find your person- not your person for the night. If you really have a gypsy soul *gag*, maybe save your adventurous spirit for dinner talk.