I’m fat. There’s no other way to say it. I’m the most I’ve ever weighed and I feel the lowest I’ve ever felt. I’ve never been fit, but I was fairly active. Then… I wasn’t. Then I was like “Whoa, girl! Time to lose some weight!” So I got started and got active again..until I didn’t. I let my depression get the best of me and did my best just to make it through the day. And then that’s it. Nothing more. Sometimes less. So now I look like Stay Puft. It’s not a good look on me. Trying to restart my goals on my own hasn’t been working and I know I need something. I don’t feel good about myself. Then my friend showed me a Facebook post for a six week weight loss challenge at Iron Dog Gym nearby: Meal plan, recipes, and workouts with a trainer. So I went for it. Sign my chunky ass up. I wasn’t expecting easy… DUH … challenge. I’m ready.
I was proud of myself for not crying at the weigh in and basically admitting to witnesses that I am in fact, a jumbo marshmallow. I mean, I already knew this, but being faced with it still sucks.
It’s actually pretty easy to follow. We were given a weekly shopping list complete with meal prep advice and recipes to show what’s good to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner (portion size and all). It’s actually not too bad. The hardest part is giving up coffee. I only have one cup in the morning, but it has to have creamer ( 2% evaporated milk and 1/2 a Splenda). Dairy is OFF the list. OFF. THE. LIST. Black coffee is okay, but seriously. I love coffee and I love it with my creamer. Why would I turn something I love into something I hate? I can’t do that. I’ll just quit cold turkey and pray for everyone who has to deal with me during this challenge.
Part of the challenge is 3 workouts a week at their gym with a trainer. This is the part that scared me. I’ve never been fit, but I have been active. Just not in years. (Read: Stay Puft)
Workout 1: I went to the session right after work. Scared out of my mind at what I got myself into.
So what happened? I FUCKING THREW UP, THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED. TWICE. The trainer got me moving and every particle of my smooshy ass was like “Nah man. Nah.” But you know what, I ran to throw up (twice), popped a mint, and finished the damn thing. YUP I did that. The trainer has such good and motivating energy, I got through it. I managed to crawl my way to my car. Turned my ignition. Drove about 15 feet. And then my car died. That’s right folks, my workout was so brutal, both my car and I died that day. This was not going to be an easy challenge.
Workout 2: Got my car fixed. I decided to try an early morning session might be better. I still almost died, but I didn’t throw up. Almost doesn’t count. I think AM workouts are my thing. The positive vibes help.
Workout 3: My first team workout.
In my team, I am the lame hyena the pack leaves behind while they save themselves. At least that’s how it would be in the jungle. Wait. Are there hyenas in the jungle? Never mind. I’m too tired to Google it. Anyway… In this gym, everyone’s vibes were so amazing, within the teams and among each other, nobody made me feel like the hobbled hyena. I still felt it, and it’s a shitty feeling. But everyone at Iron Dog has such a positive aura, it makes me want to be less of a lame hyena. At least let me be the lame hyena who tries not to be left behind. Also. I STILL FUCKING THREW UP. Got through the whole session though.
This week, I’ve eaten consistently healthier than I have in a long time and I’ve sweated more than I have in my entire life. Sore hasn’t just become a feeling; it’s become an emotion. Seriously. I feel this shit in my SOUL.
One week down, five weeks to go. Let’s see what happens at my first weigh in.