Chronicles of Sadness: Mike’s War

Note: Many of you might be familiar with my semi-regular postings about my own dealings with depression and anxiety and overall mental health. That is my war. I am willing to share my own war with you all to shine the light on mental health. My dear friend, Mike is willing to share his own struggles with you as well. Below are his words and his feelings on what is going on inside him.

Mike is ruling his kingdom. There’s just a little mud on his crown  

Thank you, Mike

My depression and anxiety are on my mind, so I want to share my feelings with the world and NO I AM NOT LOOKING for attention. I am making others aware how I feel just to share with others that might be going through the same thing and are afraid to share their feelings. So read if you want or just scroll on: up to you. Others may look at my or my wife’s life like we have all our shit together. My day starts off with feeling nauseous, in pain and worried about random stuff. I try to get up and shower; I get in then and again get nauseous. So I sit and try to relax. I get out, dry off then get dressed and sit for 30 minutes to an hour on our couch trying to focus on relaxing so I can go to the gym. I try to workout without losing focus. I come home and try to do yardwork: cut grass, clean pool, etc. Then I spend time with my family and friends. Unless I am sick, then my days are different. When I feel depressed, I see myself in a glass case looking out at my happy self working out with my buddies at the gym or having a good time with my family. And I cannot get back to that because something is keeping me locked up in this box. And when stuff happens to you, that makes it even more difficult to keep moving forward; having been sick for so long. Yes, I have TONS of people telling me you can get through this. You are not, and I repeat NOT in my shoes on how to feel: you have NO IDEA what it feels like to be me. You may have an idea… well then cool. And then you have people that say: pray. I understand that works for you: not hating, but when you have literally done everything you can to keep your faith… it’s kind of hard. After being sick and tired of fighting for so long, you get to a point you want to throw in your towel. I have been feeling like this due to my health issues. My family and friends are here for me, I understand. I honestly want to give up, but the 3 things that push me to my limits, to look at death in the eyes, even though he is ready to accept me, I will not give up this fight because I have my daughters, my wife and my family expecting me to keep on fighting. I would not be a good example to them if I give up.

So to those of you who want to give up, find your rocks to keep you going. Life is short already: don’t make any shorter than that. Keep up the fight. If you took the time to read my rant and feelings, thank you. Hopefully it has helped someone. #fucknegativity #fucklupus #fuckcancer #fuckdepression #fuckanxiety

 

Jenn

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